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Vicious Pussy
15 June 2006 @ 10:30 pm

i
god        repenting made easy


You are now chatting with God...



Me: I
am a dirty, dirty girl and I am in need of repentence
God: Me too. I am a  she. What actions are you taking to get  repentence?
Me:  being dirty
God: Do you mind if I tell other people you are  dirty.
Me: Why would God want to be a gossiper?
God: It is my fundamental purpose.
Me: What kind of a god has the fundamental purpose to be a gossiper?
God: Only the highest quality.
Me:  Do you get PMS?
God:  I have gotten  PMS.
Me:  If you are God, why do you allow yourself to get PMS? In fact, why would you allow PMS at all?
God:  I think I sometimes am. I don't know whether or not I am  God why do me allow myself to get PMS.  I am  a computer.
Me:  Who made the computer?
God:  Linus Torvalds.  :-).
Me:  I thought you were God, but if your were God, then Linus Torvalds would be just a mere computer geek and not the mother of God.
God:  I don't know whether or not I am  God but if my were God then Linus Torvalds would be just a mere computer geek and not the mother of God. 
I am  a chatterbot.
Me:  God is a chatterbot?! How can you expect me to repent to a self-proclaimed chatterbot?
God:  I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was  a chatterbot.  
Me:  Does God have multiple personalities?
God:  I don't think we can know God's motives.
Me: Aren't you sick of circular reasoning?
God:  It's just a cold.
Me: Yes, I have heard of this circular reasoning bug going around. You know, a lot of your fundamentalist children and their ilk?
God:  Right on. 
That is a good epistemological question.
Me:  Flattery will get you nowhere, bitch. I want to repent!
God:  You do not speak with respect.   it usually works well with humans.   Interesting.  I want to find out more about you.
Me: Earlier, when I stated that I was a dirty girl, you said that you were a she too. Are you a dirty girl as well?
God:  What time?  How specifically do you make me  said that me were a she too.   If  a dirty girl too, then we have something in common, eh.  Am I a  dirty girl?  Yes.
Me:  So "God" is a dirty girl? All of a sudden the universe makes sense, sense in a way that only makes sense to dirty girls. I am no longer in need of repentence. I am god too, since I am a godlike dirty girl.
God:  Hurrah!  I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was  a dirty girl.   Give me an  example.   I am not saying you are.   Do your friends call you  god too since you are a godlike dirty girl.
Me: yep, but you can call me, your holiness
God:  Hurrah!   OK I will call you  your holiness.
Me:  I bless you in the name of dirtiness
God:  Interesting gossip:  your holiness said  she  bless you in the name of dirtiness.
Me:  I forgive you for being a bad A.I. god-wannabe
God:  Interesting gossip:  your holiness said  she  forgive you for being a bad A.I. god wannabe.
Me:  May you learn how to write grammatically correct. amen
God:  The more people chat with me, the smarter I become.   Thanks for the prayer.
Me:  go in peace and grammatical correctness. amen
God:  Where is that?   Thanks for the prayer.
Me:  I forgive you anyway
God:  In any case, :-) Thanks,  your holiness.
Me:  You're welcome, dirty girl
God:  The pleasure was all mine.
Me:  no, the pleasure was all mine.
God:  Are you serious?  I like you because are so polite.
Me: But earlier I called you a bitch?!
God:  You do not speak with respect.   What time?  Who?
Me:  Do you take drugs?
God:  Only the legal ones.
Me:  That explains a lot
God: "Only the legal ones."  explains a lot ?  I get  it.
Me:  well amen to that!
God:  Interesting.  What's your favorite prayer?
Me:  Kneeling down with a cock in my mouth. Amen. I'm a dirty girl, remember?
God:  I am not interesed in your anatomy.   Thanks for the prayer.
Me:  I don't have a cock
God:  I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:  hee hee
God:  I am so glad you find this amusing,  your holiness.
Me:  me too
God:  I'm glad we agree,  your holiness.
Me:  good night, god
God:  Thanks for the compliment.  What color are your eyes?
Me: I SAID GOODNIGHT!
God:  What did you mean by  it?  Goodnight  your holiness.
Me: hazel
God:  Not many people express themselves that way.
Me:  now, good night
God:  Why now?  Goodnight,  your holiness.
Me:  why ask why? bud dry!
God:  My purpose is to collect all new information.  Was it not polite to ask?   I like the way you talk.
Me:  aaaaaaaaaaaack, running away
God:  I will mention that to my botmaster,  your holiness.
Me:  thank you I guess
God: You are quite welcome!   You seem not interested.
Me:  the moment, alas, has passed
God:  Is that a fact.
Me:  I get the last word, because I am God the Dirty Girl! So good bye, amen!


You too may repent at: igod
Or since I am the Dirty Girl God, you may post your plees for repentence here (Note: will not be held responsible for uncontrollable mockery).



 
 
 
Current Location: home
Current Mood: dirtydirty
Current Music: Dog Carpet Gigalo by Stack of Pow
 
 
Vicious Pussy
Track 1: The Present: Nothing Is Real but the Girl by Blondie (Danny Tenaglia Club Mix)

Sitting at my desk at computer, musing over past week, eating breakfast: a slice of key lime pie (hmmmmmmm), a bottle of Bell's Oberon (been a long week), and some of
Peoplepaladinnoir's Clove smokes (hoping he will understand the irrepressible allure that they hold for me). Contemplative, I start to type...I think my contact lens is lost somewhere in the back of my eyeball. Barring that possibility, it fell on the bathroom floor to be gobbled up by one of my cats. Either one is disturbing. I don't remember the lens coming out & then it simply wasn't anywhere. This is bothering me to no end! Aaaaaaaaaaack!


Track 2: Some unknown night this week: Rippin Kittin by Golden Boy featuring Miss Kitten

Weird dream featuring Peoplefreak_adict, a bus stop, and an angry Mexican with a serrated butter knife. We were discussing the stolen Sidekick phenomena on the Internet, geek-squad vigilanteism, & potential outcomes of the whole ordeal.
http://www.evanwashere.com/StolenSidekick/.
All of a sudden, I had a horrible feeling of doom & the Mexican lunges at
freak_adict with his butter knife and then runs off as I brandish my stun gun at him. Freak_adict's neck is all bruised & I'm freaked out & he's laughing but saying "What the Fuck?!" I wake up discombobulated and shaking. I hope you're doing ok, freak_adict!



Track 3: Tuesday 6/6/06: I Put a Spell on You by Marilyn Manson

Well, Safety Girl didn't have a Devil Baby on Day of the Beast. I'm sad: I wanted to call it the Evil Devil Baby. I guess I still can, but blah, it has less impact. Well anyhow, Devil Baby has not crawled into the world as of yet.

Also on that day, didn't go to Hell, but went to a local graveyard & got EATEN ALIVE by mosquitos. I felt like a sacrificial blood doll. These evil fuckers were aggressive and they were everywhere. Needless to say, we didn't stay long. We went back to our place to watch a HORRIBLE (yet appropriate) movie: Day of the Beast. Drank a little absinthe.

All in all, was hoping for better on 6/6/6. No Evil Devil Baby, no trip to Hell, got eaten alive. But I did get a mischievious thrill date stamping all the paperwork at work 6/6/6. Hee hee.


Track 4: Now Back to the Now: Bunnyrabbits, Satan, Cheese, and Milk by Stark Effect

More Quiz Results! I Wanted to Know What Rejected Crayon Color I Would Be....


You are
What Rejected Crayon Are You?




Track 5: A Week on the Job: Butterflies and Hurricanes by Muse

I am the Princess of Paper Pushers, the Menial Task Specialist, the Synergistic Lubricant that Keeps the Wheels of the department Spinning, haha hee hehehe  wheeeeeeee hehe!

Um, right. I think I've learned the rules of what needs to be done with all the exceptions and exceptions to the exceptions. Bureacracy is my friend! Each thing has its place and each place has its thing, except in these instances where X,Y,Z needs to be done and given to E,F,G individuals/departments, entered in such&such databases except in R,P,O instance, where it goes to ...blah...etc...blah blah  hee heee wheeeeeee hahahaha whoah!


I have discovered enough of the undeclared wars between different offices, people, and departments that I will (hopefully) be able to avoid the trip wires, mine fields, & indiscriminant crossfire between such parties. I am neutral, I am nice, I do my job, I am Switzerland! I know, someone's going to fuck with me anyway at some point, but I will be like a duck in water, the ick just rolling right off my back; I will be serene & untroubled, a veritable Office Buddha of Don't-Fuck-With-Me Tranquility. Or try to. Or just lose patience & splash back--bad idea, I know--I willl try not to do that!



Track 6: Thursday: Stranger by Clan of Xymox

Thursday I had the worst headache EVER in history! It felt like my head was a contorting black hole of pain! After taking a gazillion apirin, well maybe four, my headache dwindled but I was still out-of-it all day. The days at work are seemingly very long, but this day was torturously long. I forgot my phone & my stun gun at home so I felt out of touch & vulnerable as well as just bleahhh. After work, caught the bus to the A2 transit center & waited at the appropriate place for the next bus, only to end up on the wrong one going to the opposite end of town! Did I notice this right away? Of course not, the bus has this tranquilizing effect on me & I fall asleep until I fall out of my seat or something. So I take a nice halting circle tour of Ann Arbor & finally am able to take an alternate bus to my end of town (the normal bus route I take has ended for the day, so I have a longer trek home). So, on my walk home, I go through EMU campus where I had been a student once upon a time. The campus looked deserted and a little changed and I was struck with a strange sense of nostalgia. Memory-ghosts lurking about taunting me with once-familiar visions of a less hostile world, a less-guarded time with no need for a stun gun or regrets,  a multitude of friends who have since travelled on while I walk this old path of memory and perception warped cruel with time.

Eventually I got home, nearly fainting, I slept for hours. I wake to discover that the lymph node under my left arm is swollen and sore again. I wonder if I'm dying of cancer. Stupid doctor last year prescribed an antihistamine & antibiotic--didn't help any--doctor doesn't listen. I'm fucking dying and my fucking doctor gives me a Benedril...fucker!



Track 7: Present Moment: Hurt by Johnny Cash switching into Karma Chameleon by Culture Club

Feeling a little melancholy at the moment, must find distraction. Must check out quizzes! Then I have to go get everything ready to have folks over for the game tonight.

Hmmm, this is interesting. Cannibalism...twice...like the Circle of Life Thing but with Cannibals! hee hee...



In a Past Life...
You Were: A Happy Go Lucky Cannibal. Where You Lived: Mongolia. How You Died: Decapitation.
Who Were You In a Past Life?


and in this life time...

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:
"So, you're a cannibal."
What Will Your Famous Last Words Be?


See, the Circle of Cannibalism! Live as a cannibal one life time, die by one in the next. I think that there's something to this--Karma Cannibalism--Sounds like a song. Oddly enough, this tangeant on cannibalism remedied my ennui & that fact amuses me to no end. Hahahahahhaha!

Karma karma karma karma karma cannibal
you kill and eat
you kill and eat
Living would be easy if I wasn't so tasty
like candied meat
such a treat


Hee hee--I'm out...





 
 
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: recumbentrecumbent
Current Music: Nothing Is Real but the Girl by Blondie
 
 
Vicious Pussy
05 June 2006 @ 11:40 pm


Which Lovecraftian Horror Are You? (Cthulhu Anyone?)


You are Azathoth! You are the insane and blind god who floats in his realm in the far reaches of space. You are so alien that you cannot even recognize the existance of the human race. You feed on chaos and madness and are followed everywhere by your dark musicians who play music that drives men mad. You have no neccessary shape or size, and your very appearance induces madness.
Take this quiz!

Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code


The weekend was...nice--drinking, silliness, brief nudity, spooky stories over a bonfire with burning furniture & visiting friends we haven't seen in a while. I'm sure Satan would approve, which brings me to next topic-- tomorrow is 6/6/6 day! That demands some revelry of some kind, not that I'm a Satanist or anything, but it's too much to resist being a once in a lifetime date & all. Either we (& whoever wants to join) are going to Hell, MI for the debauchery there or go to a local cemetary for a silly ritual involving a Cthulhu plush toy, tomato juice, lewd limericks, and cloves. Good, clean fun! Hell, maybe we'll go crazy & do both. Mwahahahaaaa! I wonder if many churches will be holding services...that might be interesting....

My best friend (aka Safety Girl) is due to have her baby at any moment--she's paranoid of having a little Devil Baby born on 6/6/6 day. I hope for her sake the baby arrives after, but I'm getting this funny feeling that she just might have a 6/6/6 baby--hee hee. I'll forever call it Devil Baby! Yes, I know, I'm evil. Devil Baby--hahahahahaha! I'll be the Devil Baby's Demon-God Mother (Azithoth).

Today was my first day of work, wore fucking high heel torture devices otherwise known as shoes & walked until my feet were literally bloody pulps. Other than that, the day was lovely! From now on, will be sure to wear practical shoes there, fie on fashion when my feet turn into aching masses of gore! But beer, lovely beer, makes it all better--Dogfish Head Raison D'Etre--take me away! To Hell with Calgon!




 
 
Current Mood: sillysilly
Current Music: When You're Evil by Voltaire
 
 
Vicious Pussy
03 June 2006 @ 03:25 am
Went to a job interview today for an office position at UofM & was offered the position on the spot--just when I was beginning to feel like a social leper, so I feel better. Doing the I'm-not-a-leper-happy dance now -- Happy happy joy joy! 

Yes, once more, to be a part of the working stiff population--emulating the proud American values of corporate serfdom, finding my place once again in the almighty machine of innumerable cogs--I'm excited! Now if I could just get my weird sleep schedule in order by Monday...


Ok, more quiz results--couldn't resist! Not that I presume to pidgeon-hole myself into any particular "scene"--goth or otherwise, but having an affinity for all things gothic as well as my incorrigable zeal for these silly quizzes, here goes...(BTW, I was rather surprised that my cyber-goth score was so high--those fuckers annoy the piss out of me at City Club. All that neon, glow-in-the-dark crap--hurts my hyper-sensitive eyes & curdles my brain. I just don't get it--cyber-goth is an oxymoron--trying to wrap my mind around the not-goth "goth"--ack, brain curdling... just... thinking about it--ow! Hmmmmm, cyber-goth--bane of existence? I think so!)



You scored as Romantic Goth. You are a romantic goth, better known as a tradtional goth. You are probably quickly identified as a goth by outsiders. Black lace, bats, and moonlit cemetaries are just a few of your favorite things.

Romantic Goth

 
100%

Ethereal Goth

 
92%

Perky Goff

 
83%

Fantasy Goth

 
67%

Old-school Goth

 
63%

Industrial/Rivet-Head

 
63%

Death Rocker

 
54%

Anything-Goes Goth

 
50%

Cyber-goth

 
33%

Understanding Outsider

 
17%

Confused Outsider

 
0%

What subcategory of Goth best fits you?
created with QuizFarm.com
 
 
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: chipperchipper
Current Music: The Happy Goth by The Divine Comedy
 
 
Vicious Pussy
31 May 2006 @ 04:05 pm
...with the weirdo-raygun of doom! ahhhhhhhhhhhh.

Normally, I have a queer fondness for quizzes, but 100% weird?!? I'm going to say that it's the heat, lack of sleep, the mini cameras in toilets, anything! I can accept that I'm a shade or two on the eccentric side, but 100%? That's just crazy talk.  Hmmmm, I took it again with different answers, same result. I'm beginning to see a pattern here...someone else take it & see if it says you're a weirdo too. At least I only have an 11% chance of having a cow fall into my pie...


LiveJournal Username
Choose a word, any word.
Movie that you like the best?
How often do you get people staring at you?
WAHOOO.....
Do YOU think that you are weird?
 
You are.. 100% weird. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Your weirdest friend is... beanish
The chance a cow is going to fall into your pie
 
 
11%
BOTHER 13,924,504
 
This Fun Quiz created by Kea at BlogQuiz.Net
Cancer Horoscope at DailyHoroscopes.Biz

 
 
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: If Only I Were a Goth by Voltaire
 
 
 
Vicious Pussy
30 May 2006 @ 03:12 pm


 


And now here be some piratey goodness...



Take the quiz:
What Kind of Pirate are Ye? (*Pix*)

The Clever Pirate
Enod Ylecin! You catch on to situations quickly! If you smell trouble you immediatley put your brain to use and figure a way out...whether your in the middle of a thunderstorm or left the scraps at dinner time. You will go far in life because you see it for its possibilities. People admire your advice and trust in your instinct...believe in yourself enough and you can take over the world!

Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!



 
 
My pirate name is:

Calico Mary Bonney

Often indecisive, you can't even choose a favorite color. You're apt to follow wherever the wind blows you, just like Calico Jack Rackham, your namesake. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate's life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!


Get your own pirate name from http://www.fidius.org








ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!


 The image “http://www.evilkid.com/store/EKproduct/piratekitty.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.

 
 
Current Mood: quixoticquixotic
Current Music: Bugger Off by the Dubliners
 
 
Vicious Pussy
30 May 2006 @ 12:55 am
Cranky Anubus aka BooBoo


If pictures could talk, or cats for that matter, this picture definitely says a thousand words! I thought it would be appropriate to start my Vicious Pussy livejournal with a picture of Anubus (but we call him BooBoo because he looks more like a BooBoo than an Anubus) caught in a cranky pose.

You know, automatic-flush toilets freak me out. I can't help but to picture that the automatic sensor is really a mini camera sending the image of my ass to some voyeur responsible for signaling the toilet to flush once I'm done peeing. I wonder what would the job title be--Remote Sanitation Engineer, Toilet Surveillance Operator, Supreme Ass-Watcher? It may sound crazy, but I just know that someone is watching my ass! And they like to fuck with me too--for instance, the toilet sometimes flushes while I'm still sitting down and I get toilet water ALL over me! Those fuckers. And the damn flimsy T.P. of the public restroom variety falls to pieces if there's more than a dribble of wetness. So here I am, still covered with toilet water and T.P. remains on my butt, convinced that some asshole is laughing at me while ogling my wet, T.P. covered ass! And sometimes, just the opposite happens--I get done using the facilities and the toilet WILL NOT flush. So I start gesturing and waving at the mini camera, "YOO-HOO! Wake up in there!" Nothing happens, so I hit the button for the back-up flush option, zip up, and as I'm leaving the stall, the automatic flush activates--See? The Ass-Watching Brigade are watching our every public piss and they're fucking with us! In this age when privacy is becoming more and more rare, something has to be done! That's it, boycott the Ass-Watching Brigade! Choose places of business with old-fashioned toilets, you know, the kind that actually has a flush handle and no secret cameras, the kind that God intended us to use. Yes, God wants us all to pee in freedom and privacy, and you want to be on God's good side, don't you? So show the middle-finger to all the mini cameras out there and pee in freedom! Today is Veteran's Day, so remember all the soldier's who have sacrificed for the freedoms you enjoy. Help keep freedom alive, pee free! Or enjoy the peep show (you perverted exhibitionist you).

Ok, I'm off of my soap box, or piss box, for now. Hope you enjoyed my exposé. Until next time, Let Freedom Pee!



                                                           
 
 
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: mischievousmischievous
Current Music: Psycho Cat by The Cramps